Between Two Worlds

4.4 A watery grave

Warning: sims in peril, violence, swearing

“That’s enough,” Steve instructed as he gestured at Kian. “Do whatever you want with that one, but,” he turned to Curtis. “This brat’s mine. We’re going to have a little chat.”

The large man with the shaved cut forcefully brought Curtis to his feet with a choke-hold and pushed him towards Steve. Kian fared no better. His adversaries had him pinned to the ground and slammed their fists into his face. Both boys were bloodied and bruised while the late teen and young adults were reasonably unscathed.

“At first I thought to myself”– Steve cracked his knuckles –“That you’ve got some nerve fighting me, with your age and cocky attitude. But then you’re just a plumming kid, and we are goood men. So we let it slide.” His emphasis on their ‘goodness’ elicited twisted grins and evil snickers. Liar, Athena thought. Curtis and Kian beat you up bad, you’re just trying to downplay losing to them!

Steve swung at the bloodied teen. Blood leaked from the side of Curtis’s mouth as he recoiled from the blow, his face strained in agony while he gasped for air, struggling to breathe.

“But then I learnt about Hubert. You planted his dead body on my turf, didn’t you? Get the cops crawling all over my streets!? You got some nerve trying to bring the law on us!” Though Steve hollered, the loud hum from the factory generator diffused his voice. He gave a sharp left jab to the teen’s ribs, then right, as he went on.

“I did some digging on you – at first I thought you a remnant Simitario member, maybe you’re a D’Angelo, or some dumb kid with a big shot father, but no. All you have is a lousy connection to some unknown loser group. Roge, hold him upright. He’s passing out.”

His head was yanked backwards as the man grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged hard. Curtis managed two breaths before Roge’s other arm compensated by clenching harder against his jugular. The lack of blood and oxygen clouded his vision and focus. His arms were tingling.

“The rules are simple, boy.” Steve continued, halting inches to Curtis’s face and gesturing to his tattoo. “We’re the apex predator of the plummin’ food chain here. You don’t mess with me; you don’t mess with my gang.

“All I see,” Curtis interrupted through choked breaths and gritted teeth, “is a branded **** trying to throw his weight around – who thinks he’s a hotshot for needing a group of people to take on two kids. You’re weak.”

Athena had to cover her eyes and look away as Steve pummeled him until he collapsed onto the ground. They prodded him with their shoes, but Curtis stayed motionless.

“Almost gone,” the Grim suddenly chimed in, his back still turned from the scene. Her blood froze. Was he sensing Curtis’s life-force?

“Bind him up,” Steve commanded as he climbed over the safety rail. “And make the other kid watch.” Roge loosely tied Curtis’s hands behind his back and dragged him over the rail. Kian was thrown headfirst against the ground in Curtis’s direction.

Steve and Roge forced the half-conscious teen onto his knees just a few centimeters from the edge of the water. Kian tried to advance towards the trio, but the two by his side made a game of knocking him over repeatedly with a kick or two, amused by his futile efforts to stop his friend’s impending fate.

“How do you like your watery grave? Actually, let’s sweeten the deal…” Steve reached the back of his trousers and pulled out a gun. Roge moved a safe distance as Steve pointed the weapon at the youth’s temple.

“See you in tomorrow’s paper.” he said with finality and cocked his weapon. The Grim pushed himself into an upright position and started towards the group when he noticed the young Spellcaster…

“OOOFT!!!?” As if a 150-pound baby rhino had charged into him at full speed.

Roge expected a fall, but not…

??????????

??????????????????

29 thoughts on “4.4 A watery grave

  1. I am so incredibly impressed with this chapter. Like, I almost have no words, but I’m gonna try to formulate this into a neat response LOL. First of all, the dialogue. It was absolutely AMAZING. I don’t think I’ve gotten to enjoy the whole gang leader / antagonist kind of dialogue in such an amazingly written way yet, and it pulled me in so, so much. You absolutely nailed that speak in my opinion (course, as a foreign language speaker it’s not like I exactly got firsthand experience to say with certainty that you did but it felt absolutely real to me). The tension was so high I literally couldn’t even tear my eyes off my screen once, and I really don’t get that often with Simlits.

    And then Grim talking about how he’s almost gone, the anticipation… so perfectly timed, and it only makes things all the more scary. The watery grave part, just again an absolutely perfect, ominous line to fit the mood. And then suddenly, just when you think Curtis is done for and Grim gets up to do his reaping part, Athena is gone… and the big bad dude goes down into the water instead. Hell. Yes.

    This was absolutely amazing. There wasn’t a word in this that I didn’t love, that wasn’t perfectly placed. A whole lot of kudos for writing such an awesome chapter!

    1. Aw thank you! *blushes and hides*😊 this is such high praise coming from you! I love your writing if it’s not obvious yet.

      Thank you very much for your kind feedback! Its invaluable to me who is inexperienced about writing. (You’ll notice how I experiment here and there later on). Hopefully, the story continues to deliver as it progresses!

  2. Athena got herself into a dangerous situation again, but I’m proud of her for stepping in. It was so hard to see Curtis suffer like that.

  3. OK. The tension in this is fantastic! Very well done, this is a very good chapter.
    Now… oh LORD, another nailbitingly thrilling part! I don’t anticipate Curtis dying because, well, he’s a main character, but I believed it and I was SCREAMING when Athena charged and pushed Steve over the railing. You go, girl! Since Grim is here and someone is going to die, for sure (or am I wrong?), is the name of this part a red herring and it’s actually Steve that’s going to die? AHHH QUESTIONS.

    1. Ahh thank you that’s so good to hear. πŸ˜† I’m just going to interpret that you enjoyed this chapter. I’m going to go check what red herring means haha.

  4. I’m with Steve: ?????????????
    ?????????

    Kudos on the action! But I’m not so much an action person—I love details—and what struck me more about this scene is how you set up the ambiance of San Myshuno, with the diffuser humming in the background and presumably the Spice Festival still audible in the distance.

    Daaaarn. Leave it to Curtis to keep throwing shade even when he’s about to die. Ok, first the all-pink outfit and now this? Awesome as Athena was here, he’s neck-in-neck with Grim for my favorite character.

    (‘His adversaries had him pinned to the ground and slammed their fists into his face’: consider restructuring for parallelism, these two clauses have a different subject; most people don’t know about this next construction, but here’s how you punctuate mid-sentence action beats that aren’t related to speech: ‘thought to myself,”—Steve cracked his knuckles—β€œthat you’ve got some nerve’; because ‘interrupted’ is a speech verb, the ‘choked breaths and gritted teeth’ part doesn’t need em dashes, but there should be a comma rather than a period after ‘teeth’)

    1. Thanks. I’m glad it worked since it was done by accident. Oof details are not my strong suit. I try to add details but my writing ends up being pretty straight forward. πŸ˜€ Oof this is a gem! I’m going to backtrack and read your notes again before making changes so I fully understand what you mean here.

      1. Thanks for this! I didn’t realise there were so many rules but it helps clear things up. And the best thing is I have the link on my blog to clarify anytime I want πŸ˜ƒ

  5. I might switch between commenting here and the blog, sorry it’s easier to comment on the blog itself when reading from my phone.

    To be honest I feel like it’s easy to fall into corny territory with a gang violence scene but you keep the tension high the whole time and I really like the dialogue as well, your story is great!

    1. Aw thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say!

      I don’t mind if you comment here at all. Everyone else does. The discussion usually happens here than my forum thread and ive gotten used to it. πŸ˜„

      Does that mean you prefer comments on your forum thread than blog? I can switch over if you prefer that. No biggie for me πŸ˜„

      1. Commenting on my blog is fine! It’s nice to see your lovely comments when I’m revisiting old chapters!

      2. Sorry if you get this comment twice. WP is temperamental with my comments, but commenting on my blog is absolutely fine! : 3

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