Between Two Worlds

4.1 Person you admire

Composition: Write about the person you admire the most in no less than 120 words.

My name is Ares Renteria. I am 12 years old. I have a mom and a sister. I am the youngest in the family. (Your introduction is off topic.)

The person I admire the most in the whole wide world is my big sister Athena Renteria. She is 15 years old. She has special (unusual) purple eyes. The magazines always writes that she has an eating disorder because she is too thin, pale and looks unhealthy. I think she is perfect!

I disliked her because she used to cries (cry) a lot. But when she enter(ed) secondary school, she became cool! She can do magic, like break glass from afar when she’s angry or use magic to jump really high when playing basketball! (There’s no such thing as magic. Your sister is talented.) She also stopped wearing skirts and do stupid girly things like makeup and funny hair. Her music is cool too! She’s never mean to me and she always takes me to the park since mom is too busy.

She also became strong! Some bullies teased her in school and she beat them black and blue! After that she went on CelebNews. The man on the telly (television) didn’t like what she did, but I think what she did is the coolest! (Replace cool with fantastic, wonderful, other adjectives.)

Nowadays, she has become sad again. She won’t tell us but it must be those bullies, or boy problems. My best friend Tyler says all elder sisters, like his own, have boy problems all the time! I’m more mature now so I’m going to help her! I’ve thought of a good idea to cheer her up. This weekend, we are going to the spice festival in San Myshuno to try new foods. My whole family likes good foods. We get into a foul mood if food is not up to our standards. Like, the school canteen has REAL bad food. (Off topic!)

When I grow up, I want to be just like her! A strong fighter! (That is not a good trait to aspire towards. Please see me after class.)

Final mark: D-
Graded by Mrs Brighton


Avery: “Athena, Ares, wake up. We’re here!”

Ares: “Mmmh… I deserve a C grade, Mrs Brighton…”

Athena: *yawn* “I thought you said it was a short drive to where we’re going.”

Avery: “It is if it weren’t for the traffic. Everyone must be headed to the spice festival too.”

Athena: “The food must be really good then! I’m starving.”

Avery: “Why don’t you take a look out the window? Check out the stall signs so you know what to pick for dinner? I’m still looking for a parking spot.”

Athena: “Sure. These buildings look familiar. Wait, that basketball court…”

Athena: “We’re in Canton?! Mom, you said we were going to San Myshuno!”

Avery: “Canton is at the fringe of San Myshuno. The festival itself is called Canton Spice Festival.”

Athena: “You should’ve told me!”

Avery: “I know Canton has a bad reputation, but we’re only here for the festival just like everyone else. Is there something specific that’s bothering you?”

Athena: “Uh, no.. nothing at all… “

… I don’t ever want to see you in Mirage Park or Canton. Stay away and keep to the crowds. If you ever see me again, don’t talk to me, don’t come near me. Today never happened. You got me? …

Oh my flying llamas! Why am I in Canton! She panicked inwardly.

Note:

  • The whole family has the ‘Refined Palate’ quirk!
  • Ares is a mediocre student in my gameplay so this is spot on. On the bright side, he looks good when he grows up. Life is fair (lol).

27 thoughts on “4.1 Person you admire

  1. Hehe that essay is adorable. And very credible that it was written by a child.
    The last line by the teacher made me giggle

  2. I see you stick to the Greek mythology theme with their names.
    I’m hoping to hear Athena’s thoughts about her brother too.
    And yay! She’s back in Canton! 👍

  3. Aww, Ares is such a sweetie. I love how you gave us insight into Athena’s little brother through a graded paper from school, it’s very unique!
    I’d like to see more of their relationship, too. I believe Ares had it less bad than his sister, right? I wonder how their dynamic is going to be as they grow older.

  4. Pfft, what a terrible teacher. What she calls off-topic is vital for context and setting the scene to make the reader more invested – I thouhgt the essay was precious!

    And yay, I smell a reunion coming up. Maybe more corpses (meaning a double reunion if we count Grim?)

    1. Rofl are you cheering for a dead body? 😝 But ah well, that’s what a Grim signifies anyway. Haha, Ms Brighton is a strict lady. Not a single hair can be out of place.

  5. I liked the school assignment format for Ares. He has one strict teacher though. 😂 I also thought it was funny Avery was sitting so low in the car in comparison to Athena in that one picture.

    1. Thank you! and you’re right the poses I had for them weren’t suited for this vehicle and I haven’t got the tool mod to fix this yet. I always laugh at these pics too!

  6. Mrs. Brighton is a hater! 😛 Hehehe, nah, just kidding, but man is she strict! I thought the essay deserved a higher grade, too… I love how you set the beginning of this chapter up with it!

    Oh man, there’s going to be some drama…. I’m excited.

    1. I’m going by my experience that when contents are off-topic, the teacher strikes off the entire paragraph. So Ares gets 0 points even though he wrote so much.

  7. Bahahaha! Yes!! Of course I love this and can’t help myself. Ares is about to get his vindication. Maybe he’s an ant facing a spider, but that spider’s fixing to get slammed with a stack of usage dictionaries.

    There’s nothing wrong with the words ‘special’ or ‘cool’. Dear Mrs. Brighton, Mrs. with a dot on the end because it’s an ABBREVIATION, SUCK IT MRS. BRIGHTON, HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW? FACED:

    (‘no less than 120 words’ -> ‘no fewer than 120 words’, oh the irony; ‘and do’ -> ‘and (do crossed out) doing’, also ‘funny hair’ isn’t something one can do; ‘try new food(s crossed out)’ -> ‘try new foods’ is correct, Mrs. Brighton, you tyrant)

    Also—oh no. Not the cute guy. Anything but that. No.

    1. xD My teacher strike off entire paragraphs so I just went along with that style haha!

      This is like inception. Dream within a dream, except it’s multi-layered marking. xD

  8. Awww I loved his essay. I actually thought it was good. A good fighter doesn’t have to mean physical fight. It can mean a strong person who stands up for himself. I also think he needed to do a little introduction about himself so he could explain who he was and why he admires Athena. It feels childlike in its tone and even the distractions are plausible. I’m not sure it’s really that far off topic to discuss how you want to cheer up the person you admire. I thought it was sweet. Does his teacher have something against the family? Haha.

    Those car shots are interesting. What mod are you using?

    Uh oh. Athena in Canton? I hope she’s not in danger.

    1. Oh that is true! I focused on the physical aspect of being a fighter heh! Given Athena’s history of outbursts its no surprise the teach came to the same conclusion.

      I’m using the regular Andrew’s teleportation mod to pose the sims in car props. I have the ‘objects don’t fade’ mod so I can move the camera into the car to take pictures without the object disappearing.

  9. I’m confused why this is 4.1. Ares is in the same gen as Athena. I’m trying to figure out how you do your numbering.

    And uh oh. She’s in Canton.

  10. Oh my gosh! Using his essay as a way to give us information was brilliant! And showing all of his mistakes was adorable 🥰

    And his teacher needs to chill. So he has an active imagination? At least that’s her interpretation. She could have been more understanding about it. 12 years old, huh? That’s 7th grade here. I suppose teachers in that grade would be expecting “real” facts in the kids’ essays, but still, harsh.

    Anyway, it’s good to hear that she’d pulled herself together, at least in his mind. She stopped doing “stupid” 😂 girly stuff, and she’s being much nicer and more helpful with him. Funny that she’s his hero now that she beat people up 😅

    And ohhhh my. Canton. I can see that there’s going to be a problem….

    1. Haha I think she’s probably bored of grading the same mistakes again and again and probably labelled Athena as the troublemaker sister who is leading Ares astray. 😂 Yeah Ares likes his action cartoons and Athena seems like a badass in his eyes lolol.

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